Once Upon a December
by HighonLP
Summary: Mac spends Christmas alone until Mattie enlightens Harm
1. Part 1

Title: "Once Upon a December" Part 1 Author: Daphne E-mail: Srtaborradora84@yahoo.com Archive: Let me know if you do Disclaimer: I don't owe them and I have no money so don't sue me. Category: Mac - POV, songfic, H/M Rating: PG, maybe PG-13 Summary: Mac spends Christmas alone until Mattie talks some sense into Harm Spoilers: heavy on "Merry Christmas" and basically season 9 Author Note: song "Once Upon a December" by Deana Carter  
  
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1200 25 December 2003 Mac's Apartment  
  
It's a Wonderful Life is playing on the TV in my living room for the second time that day. "At least someone has a wonderful life." I sigh and head into the kitchen to pop my TV-dinner into the microwave. I'm completely alone on Christmas. In fact, I spent Christmas Eve alone too, despite what I told Harm. I didn't have a date with Webb last night. I just had to get away before I got sucked back into that dance again. I didn't want to ruin his Christmas by us fighting again. He deserves to be happy for once. And considering the last time we talked-.It was just better that he thought I had plans.  
  
He didn't fight me. But, God I wanted him to. And I know that doesn't really make sense, but I was so scared. I'd been through so much and then we'd been so awful to each other. And then, of course, he tabled the discussion like he always does and eluded to his true feelings instead of just stating them. I wanted him to tell me that I was wrong, that we would be able to work as an us, but he didn't. And I was faced with the bitter reality that if he didn't disagree then he'd probably been having the same thoughts. I really wasn't ready for that revelation.  
  
Honestly, I'd been looking forward to this Christmas ever since last year. We always seem to get closer during the holidays and I was hoping for maybe another chance under the mistletoe. And then Paraguay happened. Go ahead and sum up our relationship.Russia, Sydney, Paraguay. That's it, that's us in a nut-shell. Now looking back, it's getting harder to even remember when things were good between us.  
  
Dancing Bears Painted wings Things I almost remember And a song someone sings Once upon a December  
  
We used to be so close and it seemed that being together was inevitable. Everything that happened was pointing towards us. Even when we were stuck out in the desert in Afghanistan, he held me so close to try to keep me warm and safe from the elements, at least that was the excuse anyway. It just felt so right and a bit scary as to how perfectly our bodies fit together. And then, like always, we were ripped out of our peacefully cohabitation. That's how it always is. We're happy and then we're hurled into a hopeless abyss.  
  
Someone holds me safe and warm Horses prance through a silver storm Figures dancing gracefully Across my memory  
  
And then for some reason we started to grow apart. I realize that I couldn't be there for him during the Singer thing, but I wasn't allowed to. The Admiral would've had my six nailed to the wall before I even got to Harm's side. But when I showed up at his apartment before I left, he seemed happy to see me. That is until he thought he was losing me, and then all the sudden after years of no real attention.boom! He didn't want me to go. He got all caring and protective.  
  
Far away Long ago Glowing dim as an ember Things my heart used to know Once upon a December  
  
I hated walking out of the loft that night. When he said my name, I actually for a split second thought I'd hear the words I'd been waiting for. And then I remembered who I was talking about and knew he'd never get passed my name, so I walked out and went on with my mission. But then it all went to hell and I was so scared of what they would do to me. Strapped to that table, I felt so powerless and vulnerable.and I'm not just talking about physically. And then the door opened and he seemed to have this aura about him.my superman was there to rescue me yet again.  
  
Someone holds me safe and warm Horses prance through a silver storm Figures dancing gracefully Across my memory  
  
And then came all the stingy jabs and comments. My heart broke with every hurtful comment that came my way. And he said he gave up everything for me, but then he wasn't willing to give up that last little part.control. He couldn't say the words. He couldn't have the discussion. Now where in that am I to understand that he wants a relationship? After eight years, the discussion was still tabled and it's not like either of us is that young anymore. I can't wait forever, my heart won't take it. But, if I would've known that saying never to a romantic relationship with him would mean that I had to lose him completely, I never would've opened my mouth. I would've left him continue to suck away the happiness that I had to be alive by commenting on everything bad. I would've continued to play whatever game it is that we play. I would've continued the dance forever, but no.I had to lose everything. And now it's been half a year and we're so far apart now that I barely remember what if felt like to have him close.  
  
Far away Long ago Glowing dim as an ember Things my heart used to know Things it yearns to remember  
  
And a song someone sings Once upon a December  
  
All I do know is that I miss him terribly. I miss what we had and the hope of what we'd one day have. And I would do anything to get him back.to get us back. That's why I did what I did yesterday. I had to make him see that he could trust me. I had to try to start paying him back for saving me in Paraguay. And he didn't say Thank you, which neither did I so I guess we're even now. He said that reformed addicts were annoying, well at least my mistakes and short comings helped get Mattie out of a fateful situation. So even if it didn't prove anything to Harm, at least another child won't have to grow up with an alcoholic father and have to fend for herself.  
  
I plop down on the couch with my TV dinner in my hands. It looks so.unappetizing today. I sigh and set it on the coffee table before curling up on the couch. "Merry Christmas, Harm." I whisper.  
  
TBC 


	2. Part 2

Part 2/2  
  
Meanwhile  
  
Harm's Loft  
  
"You're in love with her aren't you?" Mattie asks while helping Harm prepare Christmas dinner.  
  
"What? Who?" Harm was reluctantly stuffing a turkey.  
  
"You know who. Mac. You're in love with her." Mattie cut him off before he could deny it. "Don't even *try* to say that you don't. It's *so* obvious. I saw the way you looked at her when we were at the wall. I hear the tone you use when you talk to her. And the look in your eyes when she's in the room. And she's the same way. I could hear it in her voice when she was driving me to find you last night. She's *so* totally in love with you."  
  
"Mattie, she and I-…it's never not going to happen. And she's the one that said it." Sadness immediately takes over his eyes.  
  
"Harm, I got my Christmas miracle and I'm telling you…that woman is yours for the taking if you have the guts to do it."  
  
Harm just stared at her. "Mattie, she has a boyfriend." He cringed at the statement.  
  
"No, she doesn't. On the way to the wall last night, she got a phone call from some Clay guy who wanted to do something, but she told him that she had plans so she couldn't see him. Then when she got off the phone, I asked her what her plans were and she said that there was a Top Gun marathon on TV that she just couldn't miss."  
  
  
  
Harm's eyes widened. "You mean-…not only did she not have a date last night, but she turned one down to watch Top Gun?"  
  
"Uh huh. She said that movie reminded her a lot of someone special and that she'd worn out her tape recently, so she was going to tape it off the TV."  
  
"Then why did she-…?"   
  
"Maybe you should go over there and ask her." Mattie smiles.  
  
"Mattie, I-…this is our first Christmas together."  
  
"Yeah, and? Why can't we add my future step-mother into it?" She grins.  
  
  
  
"Mattie-…" Harm starts but chuckles and shakes his head. "It's your call."  
  
"Let's finish making dinner and take it all over there to her. Did you get her something for Christmas?"  
  
"Well-…yeah." He shrugs. "Nothing all that great…I got her the perfume I get her every year and this little charm bracelet thing. It's got eight charms on it, one symbolizing each year that we've known each other."  
  
Mattie grins more. "And you were going to deny being in love with her."  
  
Harm playfully rolls his eyes. "Okay, smarty pants, let's get this stuff made so we can get over there."  
  
"Anxious?" Mattie teases  
  
"I just don't want her to starve, that's all."  
  
"Yeah, sure…uh huh…You just want to find her and some mistletoe."  
  
He couldn't help the small smile that crept across his face. "Yeah, well…maybe."  
  
Mattie grins and they quickly finish up dinner and pack it all up. "Let's go, loverboy. We've got a Marine to feed and win over."  
  
Harm chuckles and shakes his head. They carry all the food down to the SUV and carefully put it all in the back before riding in since to Mac's apartment, a million thoughts rushing through Harm's head.  
  
Meanwhile  
  
Back at Mac's Apartment  
  
I sigh and throw away my uneaten TV dinner. I'm normally fine with being alone, but on Christmas it just seems so-…wrong. I had so many hopes for this Christmas, but now here I am watching sappy Christmas movies that are meant to make you feel even more alone.  
  
I should've taken up Clay's invitation to have dinner at his mother's, but he and I are just friends. I know that Harm thinks that we're more than that, but that's his own fault. He never asked if I was seeing Clay, he just assumed that because I was having dinner with the man, we were in a serious relationship. Does Harm not remember the many dinners that he and I had? I sigh. Maybe that's the problem. Harm and I always used the guise of friendship to spend more time together outside of the office. But then again, Harm and I never officially got together and seeing where our relationship is now-…well he has no reason to worry about Clay.  
  
I'm pulled out of my thoughts by a knock at the door. "Um…coming." Who could be here? I get up and go to the door, looking through the peep hole. My breath catches. He's here. Harm's here. Alright, calm down Marine. I order myself before opening the door, the wonderful aroma of a homecooked Christmas dinner greets me. "Hey, what are you two doing here?"  
  
"Merry Christmas to you too." Harm chuckles. "We brought lunch, I hope you haven't eaten yet."  
  
I shake my head and step aside. "I just figured you two would want your first Christmas to be just the two of you." Shrugging, I shut the door.   
  
Harm makes himself at home in the kitchen. It's kind of funny that he knows his way around my place almost better than I do. I take Mattie's coat and hang it up. "Make yourself at home."  
  
"Thanks." She smiles and sits begins to walk around my apartment aimlessly. She looks as if she's trying to figure out all she can about me simply by looking at my posetions. She stops at the photo of Harm and I in Afghanistan and I see a smile spread across her face.  
  
"You two look good together."  
  
I smile faintly. "That was taken almost two years ago. A lot's happened since then."  
  
"You two still look good together." The no nonsense tone of voice makes me laugh softly.  
  
"Well, you can't always judge a book by its cover, Mattie."  
  
"Maybe you just need to look closer at the cover instead of getting so caught up in all the details of the story."  
  
I go to speak, but Harm comes up behind me. "Dinner's served, ladies."   
  
Mattie smiles smugly and takes a seat at the table.  
  
"What's she so happy about?" Harm chuckles.  
  
"Hm? Oh, nothing." I take a seat. "This looks delicious, Harm."  
  
"Mattie helped." Harm informs me as he makes up a plate and hands it to me.  
  
"Thanks." I smile softly as I take it from him, electricity bolting through me as our hands brush together. I can see in his eyes that he feels it to. We stay like that for what feels like ages until Mattie clears her throat, smirking. We pull away quickly and eat in silence. I don't know if Mattie's expecting Harm to just throw me down on the table and have his way with me or not, but the way she's watching us gives me that impression.  
  
When we all finish eating, I smile over at Harm. "That really was delicious. And it was much better than my TV dinner."  
  
He returns the smile as Mattie starts to clear the table. When I go to help, she ushers me into the living room before doing the same to Harm. "You kids sit and talk. I can get the dishes." She smiles proudly and disappears into the kitchen, leaving Harm and I a bit wide eyed.   
  
I realize that Harm has recovered first when I feel the heat of his touch on the small of my back as he leads me over to the couch, pulling me down beside him gently. "So…" I start though I have no idea what else to say.  
  
"You didn't have a date with Webb last night." His tone is almost accusatory.  
  
I shake my head slightly. "No. I had other plans."  
  
"A Top Gun marathon was more tempting than a night with Mattie and I?" He sounds so-…well hurt.  
  
"No, I just…well I figured you two would spend your first Christmas together, that's all. And I didn't want you pitying me because I didn't have anyone."  
  
"But you do have someone, Mac." He says gently, almost not sure of the statement.  
  
"After the way things were left between us the last time you were here, I wasn't so sure of that fact. I mean ever since Paraguay things haven't been right between us and I'm sorry for that."  
  
"It's not your fault." He says softly. "I've done a lot of thinking about everything that happened."  
  
"And?"  
  
"And I realized just how much you'd been through right before I found you. And that I didn't make things any easier on you. But in my defense, I was a bit out of it between the kiss you shared with Webb and then the crash."  
  
"But Harm that kiss-…" His fingers on my lips silence me.  
  
"Wasn't about you being in love with him…I know. You'd been through a lot together and he almost died to keep you safe. No one knew if he'd even live to ever see you again. And then I was so jealous or whatever that I just wanted to hurt you. And you hurt right back, but with the stress you'd gone through it's understandable. Then you told me all I needed was to state my intentions and follow through, but all I did was table the discussion yet again. It's understandable that you don't want to keep playing this-...game or whatever you'd call it. And it isn't like I've given you much of a chance since then."  
  
I simply stare at him. "Okay, who are you and what have you done with the Harmon Rabb Jr that I know and love." When he cocks one eyebrow, I think back over what I just said and my eyes widen. "Harm-…"  
  
"Know and…*love*, huh?" His tone is almost teasing causing me to roll my eyes. But instead of continueing to tease me, he surprises me by going to his coat, producing two beautifully wrapped rectangular boxes.   
  
"Harm, I didn't think we'd be exchanging presents this year."  
  
"Mac, you already gave me the best present that I could've ever imagined. She's in the other room and I'd be surprised if she isn't listening in on this whole conversation." He chuckles and hands me one familiar sized box. "We can't break tradition now can we?" He smiles and takes his seat beside me as I open the perfume.  
  
"I was running out, so I'm glad you feel that way." I spray my wrists lightly and rub them against my neck.   
  
"And um…I got you this." He hands me the other box and I could swear his hands are shaking.  
  
I take the box from him and open it slowly to reveal the gold bracelet with 8 gold charms on it. "Harm, it's…it's beautiful."  
  
He begins to explain each charm. "There's a specific charm for every year that we've known each other…for year once, a rose for our meeting in the rose garden, a day that changed my life forever…for year two, the flag of Russia from when you followed me further then anyone else ever has and I still don't know how to convey just how much that all meant to me…for year three, the corvette because that's the year you bought yours and I lost mine and I must say, you're most definitely not a Humvee…for year four, the flag of Australia to remind us never to make that mistake again…for year five, the tomcat because…well that's when I went down and to be honest, I'm glad I did since you didn't end up married to Mic because of it…for year six, the sneaker is because of the JAG-a-thon where we started back at the beginning…for year seven, the flag of Paraguay because….well, I realized then what losing you would mean and I can't live with it…and for year eight, the baby bottle because…well, as you pointed out, we've got five months left until our little deal." He draws in a ragged breath and waits silently for my reaction.  
  
I stare at him, my mouth hanging open as tears stream down my cheeks. I can't believe that he did something like this for me even with the way things have been.  
  
He tenderly pushes my jaw shut. "I take it you…like it?" He asks, his voice so tiny. He sounds so vulnerable as if my next statement will decide the rest of his life, but maybe it will.  
  
I nod. "I love it." Is all I can manage as he lovingly wipes away my tears as he's done so many times in the past.  
  
"I'm glad. So…I guess that leaves the last thing that I need to give you."  
  
"Harm, you've already given too much…" I protest, but he takes my hands in his.  
  
"I can always take it back." He smiles softly. "But let me give it too you first before you decide to keep it or not?" He waits for me to nod before continuing. "I don't even think it's really a gift, but…it's about time I give it to you anyway. Sarah Catherine Mackenzie, I can honestly say that this is something I've never given anyone else but you. And that even if you don't want it, I'll never give it to another soul as long as I live." He takes a deep breath and I can see him working up the courage for something. "You amaze me. And yes, you infuriate me, but no one has ever gotten to me the way you have so I guess that's a good thing. You've gotten under my skin and try as I might, I can't simply forget you. And trust me, I've tried. But, you're in my every thought…my every breath and every beat of my heart…Mac, my heart doesn't know how to beat without you which is why I want to give it to you now. You're the only one I'd trust with it and truth be told, you've had it for quite awhile, but I'm ready to give it up now. I'm ready to let go." He stares into my eyes. "I can take it back if you want-…"  
  
I cut him off before he can continue. "Don't you dare." I give him a watery yet brilliant smile. "I can't imagine a more wonderful gift in the entire world…and there's certainly nothing I'd like more. And since you've given me yours, it's only fair that I tell you that you already have mine." I take a deep breath. He may never come out and say that words, but I'll say them myself. "I love you, Harm…I can't remember a time that I haven't been head over heels in love with you."  
  
The flyboy grin is there with an intensity that I've never seen before. "I feel the same way." His grin falters for a second as he swallows hard. "I owe you more than just a 'ditto' so here goes…" He takes a deep breath. "I love you, Sarah." He says so quietly that I barely hear it.  
  
My heart sores and I hug him tightly as tears tumble down my cheeks. "Say it again?" I feel him chuckle as he pulls me closer.  
  
"I love you, Sarah!" This time it's loud and clear and echoes through the apartment causing us both to laugh happily. "That wasn't as hard as I thought it'd be."  
  
I smack his arm playfully. "you mean you made me wait *this* long for something that 'wasn't as hard as you thought it'd be'?" I laugh more until his lips claim mine, stealing away my laughter. The kiss starts loving and gentle and I swear I feel it in my very soul. Never in my life have I been kissed like this, nor have I been kissed like what it turns into…passionate and all-consuming as eight years of the emotional rollercoaster causes us to go corkscrewing out of control. I've never believed that a kiss could be so intense that everything else disappears, but I believe it now. Only when the need for air forces us to part, do our lips stop the dance leaving us panting, his forehead resting against mine.  
  
"Yes, that's…what I mean." He smiles as he runs the pad of his thumb over my now kiss-swollen lips. "Hey…we didn't even need mistletoe or some other excuse for that kiss…and I must say for the record…wow."  
  
I laugh softly. "I agree and I hope we never need an excuse to kiss again. One kiss a year is definetly not enough to live off of."  
  
He pulls me gently onto his lap and takes my wrist gently, putting the charm bracelet on. "So…have you started thinking of names yet?"  
  
"Names? Names for what?"  
  
Fingering the baby bottle charm on my bracelet, he moves his lips close to my ear. "For our baby."  
  
I can hear the smile in his voice, but he can't be serious. "Harm, I know we've had a breakthrough tonight, but-…" Once more he stops me, but this time with a soft kiss.  
  
"I know, Sarah. But, the hardest part's over…the letting go. I know we have a long way to go still, but we have five months. And if we're not ready, we can postpone until we are. But, I'm tired of wasting time, honey."  
  
"Honey?" I smirk faintly.  
  
He grins. "Just trying it out, sweetie…baby….babe….sweet thang…darling…sugarlips…hm…I like that one." His grin grows. "I think I'll stick with it. What do you think, sugarlips?"  
  
I laugh and shake my head. "You're something else. Wait here." I stand, smiling at the playfully pout he gives me. "I'll be right back, I promise." I go over to the tree and retrieve a small square box and hand it to him. "I couldn't just not get you a gift. It would seem to…weird after all these years."   
  
"You didn't have to." He opens it slowly, smiling as he pulls out the engraved pocket watch. He smiles more at the engraving of wings on the front and carefully opens the watch to reveal a resized version of the picture of us in Afghanistan. His smile turns into a grin as he runs his fingers lightly over my face in the picture before flipping the watch over to the back. "You can never plan the future by the past - E. Burke. ~For Eternity, Mac" Harm reads the inscription. "That's…perfect." He meets my eyes for a moment before looking down at the watch again. He sees the smaller print along the bottom curve of the watch back. "Nunc scio quit sit amor?"   
  
"It's by Virgil and means…Now I know what love is." I explain.  
  
"Sarah, that's…it's beautiful. Thank you."  
  
"Besides…I can't have you being late to baby appointments." I smile down at him.  
  
"You mean….you're still up for the deal?" The hope in his eyes pushes my remaining doubts away.  
  
"We have a lot to work out, but…yes. I'm still up for it if we're ready by then." I squeal in surprise as he stands quickly, lifting me up off my feet and spinning us around as he kisses the breath out of me.  
  
Mattie clears he throat, smirking. "The dishes are all done."  
  
Harm's lips break from mine, leaving me a little light headed, but he doesn't release me or even set me down. "We're having a baby in five months." He grins proudly, but seeing the confused look on Mattie's face, amends the statement. "Well, we might start trying for a baby in five months."  
  
"So…can I be in the wedding?" Mattie grins.  
  
I finally recover enough to speak. "We haven't talked about marriage yet, but…when we get there, I'm sure you can be in it."  
  
"When and not if?" She grins more. "This is the best Christmas ever. Maybe you're right, Harm. People don't suck after all."   
  
Harm discreetly lowers his mouth to my ear and makes a comment that causes me to turn a shade of red that gives Christmas red a run for its money. "So…anyone for a movie?" I can hear the smirk in his voice even before I pull back enough to see it.   
  
"Sure." Mattie comes over and settles down on the floor. "Just behave you two."  
  
"Us? We always behave." Harm can't even say it without laughing, but he finally sets me down only to pull be down onto his lap on the couch. "So, what movie?"  
  
I study both of them. "It's a wonderful life."   
  
THE END ((Sorry this and other parts of other stories took/are taking so long. We had a couple, their four year old boy, and their dog move in with us for the week and we're selling our house/building a new one so our last walkthrough of the current house is tomorrow…and my grandparents are coming tomorrow and blah blah blah…long story short, I've been tied up with RL and couldn't get this/other parts of other stories to where I was happy with it, truthfully not really happy with this one, but hey, didn't want to make you all wait any longer so here it be, will work on Amazing JAG and hopefully Part 3 of the Perfection series along with my webpage (which will have more things I am/going to be working on) in the next few days)) 


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